Playoff Predictions 3: Sycophants and Hypocrites, how we learned to love green tea edition

If you want to catch up on my pointless and misguided Playoff Predictions check out the First and Second round.

Did I do poorly with my second round predictions or what? I guess those magic dice weren’t all that magical, for this they will be disciplined. You could probably say that I am a tad upset over the Predators losing to the Canucks, especially since the team managed to win a grand total of zero games on home ice in the second round. Still, the team reached far this season, and I can now look forward with anticipation for a more mature and healthy team next year.

Now, back to my second round predictions. The only prediction that I got anywhere near correct was calling the Sharks in 6. It took them seven games because the entire team momentarily confused Niemi for Nabakov and promptly stopped giving a shit. Fortunately for everyone cheering against the Red Wings—because seriously who cheers for the San Jose—the boys in teal black managed to stop trying to reenact their favorite scenes from The Cutting Edge 2. All my other predictions were unmitigated disasters as the Flyers and Capitals managed to reinforce the stereotype that all Eastern Conference teams suck.

Well then, let’s move on to my predictions for the Eastern and Western Conference Finals!

Eastern Conference Final

#3 Boston Bruins vs. #5 Tampa Bay Lightning

After a hard fought battle against the sublimely coached defensive prowess of the Pittsburgh Penguins, and a hard fought case of the sleepies against the sublimely disappointing Washington Capitals, the Bolts will have to face an intact and talented hockey team in the Boston Bruins. Meanwhile the Bruins struggled past a hardworking and occasionally talented Canadiens team before spending round two stifling their laughter as they watched the Flyers bumble around on the ice like only the Flyers can.

With the emergence of both these teams during the playoffs, maybe fans will finally be treated to the first good series to come out of the Eastern Conference.

Players to watch:
  • Milan Lucic was better in the second round, but even after playing the Flyers he still had fewer points than eight Nashville Predators. That includes Nick Spaling and Jordin Tootoo. Look for him on the ice, because I’m sure he’ll be out there somewhere. 
  • It is incredible that Tim Thomas has been able to maintain just a stellar save percentage and goals against average during the Bruins playoff run. I’ll mark down part of it to talent and hard work, and the rest of it because he’s trying like hell not to get eliminated and be forced to spend the off season in hot yoga class with BizNasty. 
  • Why does Teddy Purcell always look like he was just given a pair of hand knit leg warmers by his aunt?

  • I’m excited to continue watching Sean Bergenheim be a dynamic offensive threat. His stellar play also proves that getting the hell away from the Islanders is the best career move a player can make. 
Prediction: Lightning in 7 games

Western Conference Finals
#1 Vancouver Canucks vs. #2 San Jose Sharks

The single best thing about this match up is that we’ve got two high talented teams that both have reputations for falling apart in the post-season. This will make for either an incredible series or a hilarious series full of slapstick comedy and the sweet anguish of Canucks fans. While I will admit to having a slight Sharks bias, my one wish about this series is for Douglass Murray to plaster Ryan Kesler against the boards… wait that just confirms my bias. It doesn’t change anything though; Kesler is an ass, albeit a talented one.

Players to Watch:
  • I’m glad that Mikael Samuelsson is still playing in this series; otherwise we’d be subjugated to his whining when he’s not invited to play for Team Sweden in the IIHF World Championship. 
  • Ryan Kesler has two facial expressions, smug and concerned. Unless of course he’s on the ice with Shea Weber, then he gains access to a third: Sheer Terror. Here’s hoping that Murray can pick up where the Webeard left off! 
  • Besides being an Olympian Douglas Murray, is a co-founder of Ubertap Dispensing Company and its truly terrible looking website. 
  • Quick poll: Who would you rather have on your team: Benn Ferriero or Ferrero Rocher? I’m leaning towards Ferrero Rocher because it’s a proven prospect with a lot of tasty variety.
Predictions: Canucks in 5 games

P.S. today's predictions were based on Googlefight results for the winning team and using the smooth scroll feature on my mouse combined with my iTunes library in order to select number of games based off of which track numbers I landed on

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