The Misunderstood Nature of the Common Cannibals, And Caramel

I don't have anything hockey or music related that I would publish at the moment, so here's just some humor.

I admit that I would try human meat given the right set of circumstances; I wouldn't want to harm someone or have someone harmed nor would I be likely to actively seek out the opportunity.  Still, its an intriguing thought.  Ultimately its not something that one gets a chance to do all that often.

But I honestly think most people have the wrong idea about cannibals.  Its not like you grab a coat out of your closet, throw on a hat, and take a walk down the street so that you can slaughter some nice person every time you feel like grilling up a few burgers.  No, see, you slaughter that person and eat them to absorb their virility and soul so that you can impregnate your wife with the male child that the gods have denied you ever since the village shaman caught you telling lewd jokes about his mother to your friends.

I'd also like to share what I consider to be one of the best Internet based insults of all time.  While involved, it is easily adaptable to situations outside of Internet forums and comment sections.

When you speak I often find myself waiting in an extra beat or two for the gravity of what you said to sink into my brain. Often during this period I maintain a listless expression that is tinged with a flicker of crackling whimsy. My eyes narrow and then soften while I lean in towards the screen on my computer. With my head resting against the back of my hand I read and re-read your post, sorting the words and punctuation in much the same way one attempts to tie a cherry stem in his or her mouth. I feel a pressure in my chest because I want to write something and express how I feel but the apprehension at the often ineffectual nature of words posted on the Internet prevents me even publishing that which I have written.

Sitting on the desk I have a box of Japanese milk caramels given to me by a friend. They are delicious little candies that have a pleasant flavor and texture. In fact I find that just holding and unwrapping each little cube is a simple experience that only further enhances my enjoyment of the candy. Each element of the milk caramels lend to a wholly pleasurable experience with I can find no true flaw. Even when there are no more caramels remaining I feel satisfied and pleased with the quantity and the stack of silver papers that I've tossed back into the small yellow box.

You are not caramel.