My Hockey Bookmark: An (short) Essay

I've always placed a high value of books.  I try to treat my books well, and when I buy used books I have to verify that the previous owners also treated their books well.  It is just unpleasant to page through a book and find stains or marks from pens or pencils.  The absolutely worse thing that I come across in used books is dog-eared pages.  I am pressed to think of a good reason to dog-ear pages outside of pure convenience.  Personally, I prefer to use bookmarks, but here is a problem: bookmarks get lost.  It is unavoidable that you will lose your bookmark at some point or another.  My solution to this problem is to simply use whatever flat objects that I find lying around my apartment.

In the past I have found myself using index cards with a myriad of notes, directions, lines of poetry, or crude drawings of inebriated ghosts scrawled on one or both sides.  At other times I will find myself preying on a pack of playing cards, actively choosing clubs since no one ever talks about that suit.  Most recently my bookmark of choice has been drawn from smallish stickers that came in the mail accompanying vinyl records or CDs that I had ordered.  Basically, I go after any number of objects that I'm not all that concerned with losing.  Last week I started reading Perdido Street Station by the shockingly talented China Miéville; it is a pretty incredible piece of writing and my first time reading one of Miéville's books.  I decided that I needed to grab a new bookmark in honor of diving into the works of a new author. Which brings us the the start of conflict!

After wandering around my apartment poking in various drawers looking for workable bookmark ideas I ventured upon the unopened pack of hockey cards handed out at the Bridgestone Arena several weeks back.  Sports cards are pretty ideal for bookmarking, they are flat, ridge, and made of paper.  Awesome!  Ripping open the pack I shuffle through the half dozen cards and realize that there is a decision to be made; which player will find himself entrenched between the pages of my book?  So, now I'll breakdown how I decided which card I picked to ensure that I will never have to worry about losing my place or care about losing the card itself.

Shea "We Aren't Worthy" Weber: It was easy to reject this card.  There is no way that I'm going to jam the captain between mashed pulp and ink, it just doesn't seem respectful.  I would also be concerned that I'd pick up my book and find that he'd ripped a hole through the back of my book.

Ryan "Lawnmower Man" Suter: I think Sutes gets a similar treatment to the Weber card.  As the Predators' skating MVP I just can't justify closing him off from the world.  People outside of Nashville and my book need to see Suter play hockey so that they can all rave about him like the rest of us.

Steve O'Sullivan (I'm clever the Predators' marketing department!): Honestly, using this card as a bookmark would worry me.  With Sully's turnover prowess and inability to finish on a breakaway are both major causes for concern, as well as his small stature and diminishing speed.  I just don't know if he'll make it to the end of the book with out getting lost somewhere in the six hundred pages.

Matthew "Dean?" Lombardi: Who?  "Lombardi led all skaters with nine points at the 2002 Memorial Cup, earning him the Ed Chynoweth Trophy as his Victoriaville Tigres finished runners-up to the WHL Kootenay."  I just copied that from the back of his card.  I don't know, I guess he played for the Calgary Flames, and if I know one rule about books it's that you do not set them on fire.  So, Lombardi is out (for the season).

Patric Gösta Hörnqvist: I love me some Hornqvist, he's my favorite Predator.  He's got tenacity, energy, good hands, and a nose for the front of the net, even if he is inconsistent.  My worry with him is that he just doesn't have the legs to go six hundred pages.  His biggest shortcoming has always been his skating, and while he has certainly worked to improve I'm still concerned.  One might think his tendency to absorb face washings in front of the net would hurt his running in the bookmark competition, but he's been putting up with it for two years and shows no sign of backing down.  He's got the spirit, that is certain.

Martin Erat: The Marty Party, Mr. Twister, that idiot from Game 5, we all know him well.  You know what?  This guy is getting paid $5,250,000 this year for 13 goals and 43 points, or $262,500 per goal, or twice as much as Mike Knuble for similar goal production.  Poor comparison? Maybe.  I just like Mike Knuble.  Frankly, Erat needs to earn his salary and acting as a bookmark is a good starting point: he can't possibly steal my book and give it to Marian Hossa and sandwiched between the pages there is no way that he could possibly spin in circles.  Not to mention if and when I lose him I really won't care.

And there you go:

1 comment:

Jessica said...

HAHA! Love the reasoning. Who will be next if you lose this one?