Coming Soon to Trusted Retailers of Nashville Predators Goods

I have always been deeply interested in the world of marketing, advertising, and branding. My undergraduate work often focused on those topics while I studied psychology and business marketing. Being a fan of hockey and the NHL I’m always eager to see the promotional campaigns and branding concepts developed both by the league and the individual teams. Recently I found myself browsing shop.nhl.com to do a little bit of pricing and also to what new items might be offered. One could say that I was surprised to see that the NHL introduced two new products for the Spring, a hammer and a tape measure branded with whatever team logo that you could ever want. It wasn’t just that I was surprised; one could say that was laughing my ass off until I fell out of my chair. While I have no doubt the league will sell thousands of those items, it strikes me as being as silly as the Nashville Predators toaster or anything with both a Predators logo and a Stanley Cup on it. 

I decide that I would take the time and see if I could get a sneak preview of some of the products that we can look forward to the NHL and Predators premiering over the summer. Fortunately for you I was able to get my hands on some of the distributors catalogues so that I could bring you a sneak peek of the some of the exciting items coming to shop.nhl.com and the Bridgestone Arena Pro Shop.  And sorry, no official prices as of yet, but I'll update this page if and when I can get my hands on them.

Nashville Predators Washer and Dryer Set:

Wash that rancid Game 5 taste out of your mouth and your clothes with this energy efficient washer and dryer set! The washing machine’s Steam Clean feature is perfect for cleaning hockey jerseys while using less water and energy. The dryer features an 9 drying programs and 5 separate temperatures. Both units run quietly, in fact they are hardly as loud as the Cellblock when the Predators are playing the St. Louis Blues.

Nashville Predators Vacuum Cleaner:

Now, just like the Nashville Predators, you can clean up your competition while still sucking! This durable vacuum cleaner has a simple construction designed to make repairs and part swapping easier than any other vacuum on the market. It will clean just about any surface, but will require a special attachment in order to effectively clean out the goaltender’s crease. Warning: Users should not attempt to use this vacuum to clean oil spills.

Nashville Predators Space Heater:

The perfect item to keep you and your hockey den warm and toasty on those frigid Tennessee nights. This ceramic space heater is also a perfect way to keep those heating bills down during deep playoff runs. And much like the Predators, this space heater features a self-regulating ceramic element for overheating protection.

*Attention* This product is under a general recall due to sporadic and unpredictable swings in temperature output.

Nashville Predators Life Raft brought to you by Bridgestone:

Have your boys dropped 2 games in a row, picked up only 13 points in their last 10 games, or traded for another second line center? Then the Nashville Predators Life Raft is the perfect product for you! Be prepared to surrender the season and abandon your team at a moments notice with this rugged, 15’ life raft. This raft holds up to 10 people and weighs in at a mere 170lbs. Combined with the conveniently placed nylon straps and metal bow and stern handles you and your friends can easily jump ship and then crawl back on board with a minimum of effort. Hurry and get yours before the Preds make the playoffs and you’ve got nothing to complain about!

Joel Ward's Hand Salve:

Do you suffer from brittle and cracked hands or sticks? If so, Joel Ward has developed a hand salve to moisturize and toughen your skin to stand up to the trials and conditions of everyday life. Developed in the Sociology department at the University of Prince Edward Island, and tested by real Canadian scientists. Order some today and see your game performance improve eventually!

Barry Trotz Body Pillow:

Not only is Barry Trotz one of the longest tenured and most well respected coaches in the NHL, he is also one of the most cuddly body pillows on the market! The core of the pillow contains luxurious memory foam to perfectly contour to your body, preventing both lower- and upper-body injuries. Meanwhile the entire pillow is wrapped in 1500 thread count Egyptian cotton. Each cover is silk screened with the image of a svelte Coach Trotz posing in a striking two-piece suit. Wrap yourself around one today!

Wade Belak:

Could someone please take this guy?  Seriously.  He can do all sorts of things like fight fires, host radio shows, awkward interviews with professional athletes, and ballroom dance.  We tried to chase him off, but somehow he keeps finding his way back into the locker room.

All of the above was parody and was all meant in good fun.  I love Wade Belak and am very excited that he is sticking with the organization.  Also, special thanks to fellow Cellblock 303 member Jeni for helping me to brainstorm product ideas.

Also, I made a gas can, but I just wasn't feeling it:

All the jokes I could associate with it just struck me as over tread after reviewing the other items.  Still, I wanted to post it since I'd spent the time making the picture.


Jessica said...

That was one of the funniest posts I have ever read. I laughed hard and long. Really appreciate your humor and your talent with coming up with those items.


willn's said...

Dude, I like the new looks/ image and the whole punk theme going on.Had no idea you could draw and design so cool.! Though I may say the post is on the generic side and the blunders marketers always commit ...,but the presentation that is awesome!..